Let's Get a Few Things Straight:
I never claim to be an expert on anything. When I write non-fiction about BDSM, I only claim to write honestly about what I have found to be true in my own experience. If you violently disagree with something I've said or written, please go to FetLife.com or Facebook, start a thread or make a post under the title, "Kate Kinsey is an asshole," and have at it, with my blessings. Start a club if you want. Just don't bother me with it. I don't have the time or the inclination.
On the subject of capitalization: There are many who believe "dominant," "master," "mistress," etc. should always be capitalized. I used to do this, and if you feel the need to do it, go for it. I'm not judging, I just think it's kinda stupid now. If you find errant capitalize among my older writings, please forgive the lack of consistency and poor editing. I'm a writer, and I strive to use proper grammar these days. I don't want the Grammar Nazis to get me.
If I write "her/submissive" and "him/master," it's pure laziness; I am not ignoring the many male submissives and female dominants. I'm just saving keystrokes for the sake of my carpel tunnel.
If you really want to explore BDSM, don't depend on me or any other writer of fiction to be your guide. Fiction is for enjoyment and masturbation, not education. Don't you DARE start playing around with this stuff without doing some research. Bondage, whips and chains may be fun, but they can do permanent physical and emotional damage if you don't know how to do it as safely as possible.
Buy, borrow or steal* one or more of the following books:
On the subject of capitalization: There are many who believe "dominant," "master," "mistress," etc. should always be capitalized. I used to do this, and if you feel the need to do it, go for it. I'm not judging, I just think it's kinda stupid now. If you find errant capitalize among my older writings, please forgive the lack of consistency and poor editing. I'm a writer, and I strive to use proper grammar these days. I don't want the Grammar Nazis to get me.
If I write "her/submissive" and "him/master," it's pure laziness; I am not ignoring the many male submissives and female dominants. I'm just saving keystrokes for the sake of my carpel tunnel.
If you really want to explore BDSM, don't depend on me or any other writer of fiction to be your guide. Fiction is for enjoyment and masturbation, not education. Don't you DARE start playing around with this stuff without doing some research. Bondage, whips and chains may be fun, but they can do permanent physical and emotional damage if you don't know how to do it as safely as possible.
Buy, borrow or steal* one or more of the following books:
- SM 101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman;
- Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Phillip Miller and Molly Devon
- The Master's Manual: A Handbook of Erotic Dominance by Jack Rinella
- Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame and Gloria Brame
- The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy
- The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy
There are more books and websites than ever out there now about BDSM, but I have listed these because I've actually read them, and in some cases, know the author as a reasonable, experienced person who is not full of shit.
Oh, yeah, there is one more book I'd recommend: mine. How to be a Healthy and Happy Submissive.
Meanwhile, I have included here a few essays written over the years when people have asked me for advice. Take what you need from them, throw the rest out. This is your journey. Do what works for you. Just do it safely.
Oh, yeah, there is one more book I'd recommend: mine. How to be a Healthy and Happy Submissive.
Meanwhile, I have included here a few essays written over the years when people have asked me for advice. Take what you need from them, throw the rest out. This is your journey. Do what works for you. Just do it safely.
*I'm joking. Please don't steal these books. We poor writers don't make much, if any, money — honestly. If you pirate my book, my cat might starve. Or I might have to eat him, and I really like my cat.
