Dear Kate:
This is my first time every trying this. I met a dom through Meet BDSM. He wants me to drive 5 hours to him to play. He didn't want any limits from me as he said he has none. Won't answer every question. He told me what to buy to wear. Told me to bring water and Gatorade. Mind you, he has the means to provide this. Is this normal? Then he asked if I do a2m, gross.
I haven't met him yet. First he wanted to go to a hotel, then asked if I would come to his house. Thanks for your time.
-- Sunny
Dear Sunny:
What you are telling me is not good. I advise that you never, ever go to meet someone unless it is in a public place, and it is understood that you will NOT PLAY the first meeting, and you make sure someone knows where you are.
Anyone that won't use safe words is stupid, if not downright dangerous. Saying you can't use a safe word is like saying you can't say no, and you should ALWAYS have the right to say no, at any time.
This man doesn't sound like a dom; what you are describing is a domineering asshole who uses BDSM as a way to get a lot of blow jobs without having to do anything at all to satisfy you.
Is it normal that someone would ask this of you? Unfortunately yes, there are a lot of jerks online who ask for everything and give nothing. Is it normal that you should put up with this? Hell no. Drop this guy immediately. He is not worth your time.
You want to explore BDSM, I understand. But you have to be careful, you have to be smart. And just because you want to submit to a dominant does not mean you should submit to just anybody who says "I'm a dom."
A real dominant is confident, but not arrogant. He's comfortable being in charge, but he is not a bully who pushes you into things. A real dom is also a teacher, and he will answer your questions because he wants you to understand. Don't just listen to what a man tells you. Watch what he does.
And "a2m" as in "ass-to-mouth"? That's not uncommon for many sadists into humiliation play, but it is an actual health risk. There is bacteria in fecal material that can make you very ill. Frankly, the older I get, the less patience I have for so-called dominants who insist on this. It's basically a form of scat play, and you have a right to say no to it.
But please, don't waste anymore time on this person. Go to FetLife, join one of the discussion groups for submissives, and talk to people there. Read my book "How to be a Healthy and Happy Submissive" if you can. It's a fast and inexpensive download and tells you everything I could possibly explain to you about how this is supposed to work.
Good luck and a safe journey to you.
This is my first time every trying this. I met a dom through Meet BDSM. He wants me to drive 5 hours to him to play. He didn't want any limits from me as he said he has none. Won't answer every question. He told me what to buy to wear. Told me to bring water and Gatorade. Mind you, he has the means to provide this. Is this normal? Then he asked if I do a2m, gross.
I haven't met him yet. First he wanted to go to a hotel, then asked if I would come to his house. Thanks for your time.
-- Sunny
Dear Sunny:
What you are telling me is not good. I advise that you never, ever go to meet someone unless it is in a public place, and it is understood that you will NOT PLAY the first meeting, and you make sure someone knows where you are.
Anyone that won't use safe words is stupid, if not downright dangerous. Saying you can't use a safe word is like saying you can't say no, and you should ALWAYS have the right to say no, at any time.
This man doesn't sound like a dom; what you are describing is a domineering asshole who uses BDSM as a way to get a lot of blow jobs without having to do anything at all to satisfy you.
Is it normal that someone would ask this of you? Unfortunately yes, there are a lot of jerks online who ask for everything and give nothing. Is it normal that you should put up with this? Hell no. Drop this guy immediately. He is not worth your time.
You want to explore BDSM, I understand. But you have to be careful, you have to be smart. And just because you want to submit to a dominant does not mean you should submit to just anybody who says "I'm a dom."
A real dominant is confident, but not arrogant. He's comfortable being in charge, but he is not a bully who pushes you into things. A real dom is also a teacher, and he will answer your questions because he wants you to understand. Don't just listen to what a man tells you. Watch what he does.
And "a2m" as in "ass-to-mouth"? That's not uncommon for many sadists into humiliation play, but it is an actual health risk. There is bacteria in fecal material that can make you very ill. Frankly, the older I get, the less patience I have for so-called dominants who insist on this. It's basically a form of scat play, and you have a right to say no to it.
But please, don't waste anymore time on this person. Go to FetLife, join one of the discussion groups for submissives, and talk to people there. Read my book "How to be a Healthy and Happy Submissive" if you can. It's a fast and inexpensive download and tells you everything I could possibly explain to you about how this is supposed to work.
Good luck and a safe journey to you.
RSS Feed
