I beg you.... don't. You're young and you have a whole lifetime of great reading ahead of you!
I know you like a little pain but this is pushing the limits too far, too fast. Bad grammar, stupid plots and cardboard characters are NEVER safe, sane or consensual!
At the very least, the experience could scar you so deeply and profoundly that you'll need intensive therapy before you can allow another book into your life.
Worst of all, this could make the very idea of sex cause you to YAWN uncontrollably.
But if you feel you must, then be safe. Take a few precautions:
DO NOT read FSoG alone! Have someone you trust nearby to dial 911 when your brain starts bleeding.
Make sure the kids are safely away at a friend's house, because you don't want them to see you this way — whimpering and curled into a fetal position.
Have a ball gag in place to prevent uncontrollable rants, rife with profanity. Early warning sign: when you find yourself muttering: "How in the hell did this piece of garbage get published, let alone sell more copies than Harry Potter?" get help immediately!
Make sure a plastic trash can (empty, with a bag liner) is handy in case of sudden vomiting.
Wrap your head in several layers of bubble wrap to protect your skull when you start flopping violently around on the floor, screaming for someone to just "MAKE THAT BITCH STOP BITING HER LIP!"
And most of all, don't buy it. Borrow it from the last sucker who bought it, to prevent massive guilt attacks that will arise from having further lined the pockets of a very bad writer.
I know you like a little pain but this is pushing the limits too far, too fast. Bad grammar, stupid plots and cardboard characters are NEVER safe, sane or consensual!
At the very least, the experience could scar you so deeply and profoundly that you'll need intensive therapy before you can allow another book into your life.
Worst of all, this could make the very idea of sex cause you to YAWN uncontrollably.
But if you feel you must, then be safe. Take a few precautions:
DO NOT read FSoG alone! Have someone you trust nearby to dial 911 when your brain starts bleeding.
Make sure the kids are safely away at a friend's house, because you don't want them to see you this way — whimpering and curled into a fetal position.
Have a ball gag in place to prevent uncontrollable rants, rife with profanity. Early warning sign: when you find yourself muttering: "How in the hell did this piece of garbage get published, let alone sell more copies than Harry Potter?" get help immediately!
Make sure a plastic trash can (empty, with a bag liner) is handy in case of sudden vomiting.
Wrap your head in several layers of bubble wrap to protect your skull when you start flopping violently around on the floor, screaming for someone to just "MAKE THAT BITCH STOP BITING HER LIP!"
And most of all, don't buy it. Borrow it from the last sucker who bought it, to prevent massive guilt attacks that will arise from having further lined the pockets of a very bad writer.
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